Friday, January 21, 2011

My opinion on social expectations

Four of my most important opinions.

1. Picking your nose should be publicly acceptable. Everyone does it. If you're reading this blog right now, i invite you to sniffle a little, feel the hard booger at the top of your nostril and indulge in a 2 minute session of finger to nose action. It's nice, right?

2. I have no respect for time or being on time for any public gathering, work or school. In fact, if you're one of those people who insists on being ten minutes early for everything, I highly encourage you to take a satisfyingly long shower tomorrow morning and reap the benefits of a society who cares little about the 10 minutes late "bumper" they place around the starting time of any event. One must always push the limits of how late they can be to something, to maximize time to themselves. Selfishness is next to godliness.

3. When you see someone trip, regardless of their surroundings, it is only acceptable to laugh if they are not obviously hurt. If they are hurt, you should help them up and try not to laugh until you've assured yourself they are either not in ear-shot --or their wounds can be easily tended to and they are not crying that hard.

4. If someone you don't know asks you for a cigarette, you reserve the right to charge them up to one dollar for it. Charging them anything above that is absurd, regardless of how desperate, young and willing they are to give you five dollars. If they have no money, you also reserve the right to profile them, and at your own discretion, decide whether or not they seem like the type of person who asks for cigarettes from strangers all the time. If you believe this to be so, you have the right to refuse them nicotine in any manner.

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